This is going to be a post about what’s going on with me.  I wanted to be able to write more posts like this but never know how much is too much to share.  2015 is already in it’s third month.  My birthday month.  I’m about to turn 32 on March 8th and my life has been more insane than normal.  And my blog is taking the brunt of it.

Since having my 2nd son (and really, if I’m honest, since having my 1st as well), I haven’t felt “normal”.  I just assumed it was what you’re supposed to feel like after having kids.  And as you get older.  And hoped that it was because I was the heaviest I have ever been.  Maybe I would feel normal again when I lose weight.  I wondered how I was going to deal with getting older if my 30’s already felt hard.  Apparently, none of this was normal.

I tried to lose weight.  I went through most of the P90X3 program and I ate better than I have eaten in years.  Not the best, but a lot better.  And my weight didn’t budge.  I would think I was losing weight, and in fact my weight was going up for months.  My skin was extremely dry, my body hurt, I had constant headaches and my mind was fuzzy.  I was EXHAUSTED.  The breaking point was the last couple of months when I received word, not once but twice, that a wonderful woman died suddenly at the age of 35.  TWO incredible women, just gone.  And I freaked the eff out.

Anxiety runs in my family, so once again I had an excuse for what I was experiencing.  But OMG, this was not normal.  I was entirely focused on the possibility of me dying young.  I was getting depressed and having panic attacks.  I was becoming a hypochondriac and it was NOT normal.  

At this point, I was already waiting for a check up with a new doctor since we moved this past fall.  She came highly recommended and I was desperately hoping she could help me find an answer.  Because I was freaking desperate.  And my experience so far with doctors had not been great.  I needed someone that I could actually talk to and have them listen.  Someone I could reach out to and have them and not their assistant respond to me.  Answer my questions and not just tell me what I have to do without an explanation of what was going on.

She was amazing.  I cried telling her the huge list of symptoms I had, the anxiety I had over dying and she simply looked at me and said “It all sounds like hormones.” and then proceeded to order every blood test she could think of to rule out other causes but let me know she thinks my thyroid is causing all of these problems.

I went home to look up Hypothyroidism and could not believe all of the symptoms I had that define that diagnosis.  Things I didn’t even remember to ask her about were on that list.  I couldn’t remember every symptom and here, having impaired short term memory is a symptom!  And THIS is why I was becoming a horrible blogger.  Yes, I’m busy with my business and a new company we’re forming.  Yes, I have a house that we’re DIYing.  Yes, my 2 boys are wonderful little handfuls.  Yes, I have legitimate reasons to be behind on many things.  But I have just flat out forgotten about a lot of the things I need to do. Not even able to make a To Do list because I’ve already forgotten.

Blood tests came back ruling out everything but putting me borderline hypo.  Instead of saying everything is normal like I feared, my doctor has instead started me on a low dose of Thyroid supplements to see how I do.  I am on day 3 and so very hopeful that I have my answer.  I can’t wait to get the blog updated more frequently, to start exercising and losing weight, to form our new company and run it with my husband.  I can’t wait to have some energy, skin that isn’t so dry it burns, and to not be on a roller coaster of emotion day in and day out.

Bring on 32…I can’t wait!

Nicole K.

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